Wednesday 16 September 2015

From now on, it's all Jeremy Corbyn's fault

Rejoice nation, rejoice. For we have a new scapegoat on which to heap all of our misery. We have Jeremy Corbyn.


This is a man who failed to recognise that the Second World War was fought and won so that we now have the freedom to force people to sing songs that they don't agree with.

The new Labour leader shall, it seems, be forever pre-fixed by the term 'hard left' in the same way that 'so called' is added to Islamic State. We disagree with them both so much that we don't really think they deserve to have a name. As a result we act as though not talking about them properly might make them just go away so we don't have to deal with them.

This, let us not forget, is a man who fails to dress properly. By not doing his top button up he, clearly, might as well be wearing Bermuda shorts and walking around bare chested as public events. As one man rightly put it on the news - if he can't dress himself properly then why should we listen to him on the way the nation dresses? Indeed. And we haven't even touched on his taste in socks.

It'd be preposterous to have a politics where people didn't dress like the elite wouldn't it? If politicians don't all dress, talk and think the same then what excuse will we all have for not getting off our backsides to vote every five years?


This is a man whose victory was clearly a sham because it was only based on winning a large majority of the party he's leading. It's not like the Prime Minister was elected leader of his party in a vote where the entire turnout was less than the amount Corbyn polled, having finishing second to David Davis in the first round. That definitely didn't happen.

He can't possibly be legitimate because he forced an attention-seeking weasel - who no-one has ever heard of - to resign during his acceptance speech. That too was followed by the resignation of several other people who just led their party to defeat. They must know better surely?

He even asked for questions from the public to put to the Prime Minister at PMQs, as if the people who vote really deserve to have their opinions and suggestions aired in the Commons. Crazy.

Most frightening of all is the fact that this man, who can't dress, sing or ask questions properly, is, at the same time - and in a position that is in no way contradicTory - ruddy bloody dangerous.

Don't believe me? The Prime Minister said so himself.


Yep, he's coming for your families folks. It's your duty to hate him and blame him for everything.

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In all seriousness I don't yet know what I think of Jeremy Corbyn. Bizarrely, I actually believe in giving someone a fair hearing and have been left unsettled by the hysteria so far.

He might be old (another stick to beat him with) but he has fresh ideas and a fresh team, let's at least hear their policies and see what they try to do before shooting them down in flames.

He might turn out to be a disaster, as many predict, but if we never let someone who sounds or looks different have a chance then we're pretty sad and intolerant as a nation.
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